he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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