Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
