The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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