ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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