If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
