I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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