You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
