all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
