that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize