What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I understand Curling. That high.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
