I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
