Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
