Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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