The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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