so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's official drugs can't kill me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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