Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
