Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
