Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
