Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
