You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
