I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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