I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
