hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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