Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
