he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
