How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
