Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize