bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
