Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
