Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
