screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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