i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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