I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
