She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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