im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
