I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All the doctor said was why
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
