Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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