I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
