how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
