when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
