I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
