I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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