want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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