is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
