Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
