Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
FUCK WHALES
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