when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
