i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
