Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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