don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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