Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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