Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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