Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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