I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
