I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Please don't give away my fajitas
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
