whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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