after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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