It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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