So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's blow job season.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
