You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
