oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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