i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
