my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how drunk are you?
Several
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
