i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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