I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
