oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The Olympian is in my bed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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