Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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