i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
