dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
