I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
