Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
