I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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