I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
