So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
