16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
