I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
