So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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