so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
