He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize