So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
