I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
