i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
