The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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