Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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