My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
