hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
