Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
