You smell like a Billy Joel song
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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