why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
