Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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