did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize