So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
