this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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