My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
