hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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