Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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