tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
