so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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