nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
