dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
