at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize