ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
