Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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