so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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