so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize