Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
