...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
