so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
