I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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