everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
